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Tell me a joke...

I want to laugh...

 

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#1 Daniel Fernandes, Nov 16, 2017
How many Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do it and one NOT to do it.
 
#2 lunatic59, Nov 16, 2017
Knock! Knock!
 
#3 dontpanicbobby, Nov 16, 2017
I'm not answering ... you're going to sell me encyclopedias.

 
#4 lunatic59, Nov 16, 2017
Nope. Olive!

Olive you and I don't care who knows.
 
#5 dontpanicbobby, Nov 16, 2017
Two fleas retired and bought a dog.
 
#6 Clementine_3, Nov 16, 2017
- Do you know what really amazes me about you?

- No, what?

Oh, I was thinking about someone else...
 
#7 Daniel Fernandes, Nov 23, 2017
Burn! A you don't matter burn!
 
#8 dontpanicbobby, Nov 23, 2017
Your face. [​IMG]
 
#9 no one, Nov 24, 2017
Can you give me an example of an amphibian?

- Frog

- That's right, but can you give me another example?

- Yes, another frog...
 
#10 Daniel Fernandes, Nov 25, 2017
What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?

One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
 
#11 psionandy, Dec 17, 2017
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.......
 
#12 Zigman66, Dec 30, 2017
If someone likes someone's creations a lot, they're a big fan

If someone doesn't like someone's creations, does that make them the opposite of a fan and thus a wind turbine?
 
#13 Daniel Fernandes, Dec 30, 2017
^^^ That's funny because it plays on the homophones "fan", short for fanatic or enthusiast, and "fan" the air moving appliance.

[​IMG]
 
#14 lunatic59, Dec 30, 2017
Hmm...... I wonder if there is an app to replace the wind moving appliance

A woman walks into a bar carrying a piglet under her arm. The bartender yells "Hey, you can bring that hairy gorilla in here!"
The woman replies "It isn't a gorilla, it's a pig!"
And the bartender says "I was talking to the pig!"
 
#15 Zigman66, Dec 30, 2017
Yep, it's called a mother-in-law.
 
#16 lunatic59, Dec 30, 2017
I have MIL V7.2, It has lost most of it's functionality and only one future update is expected which will essentially remove said app. I have only had this app for 7 years but my wife, who had the original MMY V2.2 said the app was always pretty buggy to begin with
 
#17 Zigman66, Dec 30, 2017
What do you call a Mexican without a car? :--D

CARLOS!!!

:D:D:D

Haha lol!!!
 
#18 Stinky Stinky, Dec 30, 2017
How many twekers dose it too skruw in a light bulb???















**** it will smoke crank in the dark
 
#19 Mike stanley, Dec 30, 2017
Two guys walk into a bar. The first one says "OUCH!".......
 
#20 Zigman66, Dec 31, 2017
A dirty joke: 2 pigs fell in the mud

A dirtier joke: 3 came out
 
#21 Zigman66, Jan 1, 2018
A guy walks into a bar and saw a horse at the bar with a jar of money in front of it. The guy orders his beer and then asks the bartender "What's the deal with that horse standing at the bar?". The bartender replies "Well, you put $10 in the jar and then, if you can make the horse laugh, you get all the money in the jar". The guy thinks about it for a few minutes while finishing his beer. He then takes out $10, puts it in the jar, and whispers into the horses ear. The horse starts whinnying and laughing so the guy takes all the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and leaves. A week later the guy walks into the same bar and sees the same horse at the bar again. He orders his beer and asks the bartender "Still gotta make the horse laugh?". The bartender says "Nope, now you gotta make him cry". The guy thinks for a bit while drinking his beer. He then puts his $10 in the jar and leads the horse out the back door. a few moments later he brings the horse back in and, sure enough, the horse is crying. The guy takes the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and heads to the door. The bartender calls out " Hey! I have to ask... what did you say to the horse to make him laugh?". The guy said " I told him my schlong was bigger than his". "Ok," says the bartender, "then what did you do to make him cry??".



"I proved it!", he says.
 
#22 Zigman66, Jan 2, 2018
It is so cold here that when I went to the bank this morning the teller was wearing a ski mask!
 
#23 Zigman66, Jan 4, 2018
Take my horse, please! :rolleyes:
 
#24 dontpanicbobby, Jan 4, 2018
A guy walks up to the bar, orders his beer, and then says to the bartender " I will bet you $300 that I can stand at one end of your bar while you place a shot glass on the other end and I will be able to piss in it without spilling a drop". Now the bartender figures the guy is nuts and thinks this will be an easy bet so he sets up the shot glass and says "Go ahead and give it your best". The guy slams down the rest of his beer, gives a mighty belch, unzips his pants, and proceeds to piss all over the bar. The bartender laughs loudly and, with a big grin, holds out his hand "You owe me $300, fella!". While the guy is paying him the bartender sees a customer at a corner booth banging his head against the table. "What is the matter with that guy, do ya think?" the bartender says. "Him?" says the guy. Oh, I bet him $1000 I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it!"
 
#25 Zigman66, Jan 5, 2018
Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope.

When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"


She proudly replies, I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL, 40 D BUST, 24" WAIST and 34" HIPS!

When she walks into a room, people say, 'JESUS!'
 
#42 olbriar, Jan 13, 2018